I could have mohawked her pubes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
