My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Of course I have a pirate flag
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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