I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
