Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
