you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
