Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
