Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Fuck appropriateness.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
