I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
