I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize