That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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