I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
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Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
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I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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