I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
