3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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