Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
