I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
