So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
