dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..