I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
