tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch