yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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