its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
