Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
