i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
