My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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