goodnight i made you a song goodbye
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
