would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
