Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
