We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
