I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
