Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
