Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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