Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
