KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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