If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
