my vag is so smooth its legendary
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
