Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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