let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
