"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
