I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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