Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
