Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
