Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I forget how to act sober
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
