I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
