I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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