Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
