So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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