the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
