just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
