she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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