Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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