I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
