How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
