Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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