What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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