Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
