Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
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Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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