i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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