Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize