How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
