i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
