Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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