If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
