I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
