i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
