tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
