Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Drunk is a universal language darling
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
