i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
vagina is talking i cant
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
