the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
