You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
this will be a night to untag.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
