Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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