Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
