The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
