She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize